We recently announced to the world that we are expecting Baby White in September! September 13, 2019 is the official due date. We are so very excited to take this next step in our journey. I am currently 15 weeks.
It’s been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster for me thus far. I remember the day that I found out I was pregnant. It was January 12. We woke up that morning and got ready to go to Pokemon Go Community Day. We grabbed lunch at the mall and headed over to Sunset Park. We enjoyed a nice afternoon walking around, catching Pokemon and spending time with our friend Hatmaker. After the park we swung by Smiths on the way home to grab some groceries we needed for the next week. Now I was supposed to have started my period on this day and it hadn’t started yet. For some reason that whole morning and afternoon I thought I was pregnant. I had actually felt like I was pregnant the whole week before. I just kept having a bunch of random thoughts about me being pregnant. When we got home and put away the groceries I decided to follow my hunch, go upstairs and take the pregnancy test I had. It came back positive. I really didn’t know how to feel in that moment. I was happy, I was scared, I was anxious. I wanted to be super excited about it, but after not having a successful pregnancy the first time, I just couldn’t let myself be excited. I didn’t want to set myself up for heartbreak if it wasn’t going to work out. I walked downstairs and showed Taylor. He said, “I’ve wondered if you were pregnant for about a week now. I’ve been having little thoughts pop into my head about you being pregnant.” This made me feel a little bit better about it. We both somehow knew this time around. That had to be a good sign right? I then texted my mom a picture of the test and asked her how I should feel because I was so torn. She said, “excited but apprehensive.”
We decided we weren’t going to tell anyone else until I was out of the first trimester. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up again if it didn’t work out. I scheduled my first appointment to see the doctor. Every time I went to the bathroom I hoped and prayed I wouldn’t find blood. I made it to the first appointment and it went really nicely. They congratulated me and were very excited for me. They sent me off to do blood-work to make sure the HCG levels were going up. The tests came back normal and all the hormone levels were advancing the way they should. They scheduled my annual exam for a month later. Throughout the next few weeks everything seemed to be normal. Tiny aches and pains every so often, but nothing alarming. I felt nauseous a lot and tired for sure. I was not sick the first pregnancy, so I took this as a good sign! At my annual I was not expecting we would talk much about the baby, but she pulled out the Fetal Doppler and I got to hear the heartbeat! At first I was a bit freaked out since it took her a minute to find it. Apparently the baby was swimming around in there and making it hard to find. It felt like the longest 3 minutes ever! I am so happy she did this for me because it helped solidify a little bit more that this time it was real and happening. I technically had a few more weeks till I was out of the first trimester, but we decided after hearing the heartbeat that we would tell close family that I was pregnant. Everyone was super excited for us.
That next Monday night I am laying there watching TV and I get super terrible pains on my right side. They were very sharp and continued on into the night even after going to bed. It freaked me out pretty badly. I knew I shouldn’t worry because there was no blood, but my mind went to a dark place for a minute. The pain continued happening the next couple of days and spread up into my back on the right side. I decided to go in and see the doctor. She decided that it was probably either a UTI that had spread or an ovarian cyst on my right side. I figured it was a cyst because they had found one on that side the first time I was pregnant. She scheduled an ultrasound for the next week to see if it was a cyst as well as prescribed me antibiotics for if it was an infection.
The time came for the ultrasound appointment. I had to drink a bunch of water and hold it, which was not a lot of fun. I brought Taylor with me just in case we got to see the baby. Sitting in the waiting room I was extremely nervous. I didn’t want to be and I am not completely sure why I was. I think part of the reason why was because the last time we went in for an ultrasound, we found out my first pregnancy didn’t work. The technician called us back. I laid down on the table and hoped that everything would be ok. I was at 12 weeks and 6 days. She was very nice and kept talking to me the whole time, which helped calm me down a bit. She said she was measuring and trying to get a good shot of the baby. She was having a hard time because it kept moving around a lot. She finally asked if I wanted to see the baby and turned the monitor toward me. At that point the whole thing became real. I could see this tiny human shape moving inside of me. I could hear its little heartbeat. It was surreal and amazing. Taylor jokingly asked if there were two in there since everyone thinks I am going to have twins. She laughed and said no, she only found one. Just as Taylor asked, the baby moved and it looked like it was concerned at the thought of sharing what little space it had with another sibling. It was pretty funny. We went out of the office very happy that day. I could not stop smiling.
At my next appointment, the first one with the OB doctor, they asked all the normal millions of questions. I got to hear the heartbeat again. They asked me if I wanted to take the blood tests for Down Syndrome and other birth defects. I declined because I am going to have this baby no matter how it comes out and I would rather enjoy the rest of this pregnancy than worry. I asked about the cyst and they didn’t find one. Shortly after I finished the antibiotics, the pain went away. I am pretty sure it was just a UTI. I was in my 13th week at that appointment, and we decided we were ready to announce the pregnancy to the world. Sterling helped me come up with the idea to have Taylor draw an announcement. I came up with the comic and the contents of the comic. Taylor drew it out for me beautifully. I really appreciate the hard work he put into it.
The only unfortunate part of this pregnancy has been that I haven’t been able to experience the same excitement that a person gets to enjoy when they haven’t had a loss before. It really changes the whole experience. I consider myself a pretty strong person emotionally, but I’ve still struggled at moments. My heart and love goes out to those women who have experienced loss or have had a hard time getting pregnant. It makes the road a little bit longer, bumpier and tough for sure.
Everything seems so real now and I look forward to feeling my little one move soon. I have started my registry which is exciting! If anyone has suggestions for items to put on it I would love to hear. I can’t wait to find out the gender. We have a list of names for if it’s a boy (Killian, Archer, Tucker, Liam, Logan, Knox) and we like Scout or Piper if it’s a girl.
So that has been our journey so far. It’s had its ups and downs, but I am so very happy and excited to get to hold my baby for the first time and give it all the love I can!